Talking Byleth Revisions

Many moons ago, I wrote about how Byleth being a silent protagonist harmed Three Houses' ability to characterize Byleth as well as other characters. To prove that point I revised male Byleth and Dorothea's support conversation, with Byleth as a speaking character to juxtapose against the original conversation for the reader to decide if there had been an improvement. And while I still stand by the points I made in the piece, the revisions themselves could have used some improvement; this brings me to today's topic, revisions.

I was talking with a friend of mine a while back about how best to approach rewriting a work. We were trying to come up with a more encouraging way to say, "kill your babies." In the end, we more or less settled on "No such thing as a perfect first draft," there may be rare occasions, but nothing great is ever achieved without practice and revision. We didn't get to the moon the first go around, Nintendo made the Wii U before the Switch, and James Gun made a metric ton of shit until he struck gold with Guardians of the Galaxy.

There will always be something wrong with whatever work you do, but that's ok; that's why we have editors, rewrites, and sequels if we learn our lesson in the first place. So in that spirit, I revisited those revisions and revised them a second time; in another year's time, I'll probably come back and edit them again and again and again until someone stops me. So, like last time, there's a quick low down on what I changed, and I hope you enjoyed my semi-mad ramblings.

Peace.

C Rank.

INT. Great Hall – Afternoon

Dorothea and a knight walk through the great hall, her arm wrapped around his. They stop just before the stairs and untangle themselves, Dorothea turning quickly to face him.

Dorothea.

Well, I had fun today. Of course, you'll want to see me again, yes?

Knight.

O-of course! I'd love to, Dorothea!

Dorothea.

Well, until we meet again.

The knight leaves by the stairs, running into BYLETH, coming down into the great hall. The Knight jerks to a halt when he sees him and clumsily moves out of the way as Byleth watches him go. Once he leaves, he turns to Dorothea, who jumps a little when he looks at her.

Dorothea.

Oh! Hello, Professor. Were you…watching that?

Byleth.

Only the end. However, if memory serves me well, that is date number eight with man number eight.

Byleth descends the staircase closing the distance between him and Dorothea.

Dorothea.

Have you been stalking me that intently Professor? That must be some kind of violation on your part.

Byleth.

If I were following you, you'd be correct. However, my count is just of the men I spotted with you as I walked to dinner.

Dorothea.

Well… that's…reassuring.

Dorothea takes a step back, creating more space between her and Byleth.

Byleth.

That being said, this encounter was planned, as it is to placate a curiosity of mine.

Dorothea.

That being?

Byleth.

Why?

Dorothea.

A little elaboration if you'd be so kind, Professor.

Byleth.

Why this many men, why so many dates, why in such rapid succession, why…

Dorothea throws a hand up, cutting the Professor off.

Dorothea.

That's good, Professor. I know what it may look like, but you mustn't worry. I'm not just playing games with these boys, so you have no right to object.

Byleth takes another step closer, and Dorothea takes a step back.

Byleth.

That still hasn't answered why Dorothea.

Dorothea.

Sigh…Professor, I wish to find a suitable partner here at the academy. Someone who will be with me for the rest of my life.

Byleth.

You're on no deadline then, so why this many men?

Dorothea.

But I am Professor, time is not kind, and it may take away much of what I have now.

Byleth.

Many find love late in life. In fact, the chance of finding someone who will stay with

you increases as you age.

Dorothea takes a step forward into Byleth's space, jabbing a finger up to his face.

Dorothea.

And what if that chance is low? Where does that leave me, an old woman with nothing, that's what!

Byleth.

I never said you'd have nothing, Dorothea.

A realization comes crashing into Dorothea's head, and she suddenly backs away from Byleth, adding a few extra feet for good measure.

Dorothea.

Oh, yes…apologies, slipped into some old dramatics, think nothing of it. Anyway- while I value your option, Professor, I won't have you interfering with my life plans.

Understood?

There is a sharpness to Dorothea's face and words that was absent a moment ago.

Byleth.

….yes.

Dorothea's mood and face soften.

Dorothea.

Good. Now, if you excuse me, I must continue my search for a dinner partner. Unless…you want to join me, eh Professor. See firsthand what I've been…subjecting these boys too.

Dorothea takes a step forward into Byleth's space but is more playful this time. Trying to coax him. However, Byleth is unphased and responds quickly.

Byleth.

Will you answer my question there, Dorothea?

Dorothea's expression sharpens again as she turns her back to the Professor.

Dorothea.

I think you've heard enough, Professor.

Byleth.

Really? Because I do believe we are getting some-

Dorothea.

Good day professor.

Dorothea storms off the way she came before, putting as much distance as she can between her and Byleth as quickly as she can.

Byleth.

-where…Well, that was unexpected. Or was it? I'd better ask father next time I see him.

B Rank.

INT. Dining Hall – Afternoon.

Dorothea sits alone in the dining room, finishing up her dinner. She is about to leave when she sees Byleth enter. Seeing him, she picks up the pace, but it's too late. He's already seen her and is walking over.

Byleth.

Dorothea. Do you have a moment?

Dorothea.

Professor?! I-….

Byleth.

Do you have something to say?

Dorothea takes a breath and quickly composes herself.

Dorothea.

Oh, don't worry, Professor. It's nothing.

Byleth.

Is it? You've been avoiding me since our conversation in the hall. I'd like to speak on that.

Dorothea glances around the dining hall to the exit but sees the path blocked by several other people, including Byleth. Seeing this, she takes a longer breath than before, giving her more time to compose herself.

Dorothea.

….sure, but can we move somewhere a little more…private?

Byleth.

Of course, lead the way.

Dorothea stands and takes the lead, keeping her pace slightly faster than the Byleth's. As the two of them leave, she glances back at the exit, but Byleth blocks her path again.

INT. Library – Late Afternoon.

Dorothea and Byleth enter the library. No one else is around. Dorothea lets Byleth overtake her, keeping her back to the door and a table between them.

Dorothea.

…so, what do you want to say?

Byleth.

It's about our previous conversation. I want to apologize for my…oh, what's the word…metallic response? Yes, that sounds about right.

Dorothea doesn't respond. She folds her arms instead and lets Byleth continue.

Byleth (con)

Anyway, I hope this alleviates whatever tension has grown between us and continue operating in a normal manner.

Dorothea.

That's not going to be possible, Professor.

Byleth.

Really?! Oh, have I really offended you that much?

Dorothea rubs her temples with one hand while still keeping her arms crossed.

Dorothea.

No, that's not it, Professor, well, you did, but that's not why…oh Goddess…Look, I'm just going to come right out and say it. I find you a little difficult to be around.

Byleth.

Difficult? Well, if that is the case, please tell me in what regard, and I will attempt to make the necessary changes.

Dorothea.

I don't think it's going to be that easy, Professor. It's just…the way you look at me sometimes… it's like you see right through me.

Dorothea tries to cover herself more. Byleth puts a hand over his mouth and begins to pace back and forth on his side of the table, talking as she does so.

Byleth.

I see…now, forgive me if I offend again, but what exactly am I seeing though?

Dorothea.

That's precisely what I'm talking about. Whenever I look at you, it's like your eyes are accusing me…trying to find a way in.

Byleth, still pacing, changes course and is now slowly moving towards Dorothea.

Byleth.

I'm sure if you're hurting or afraid, I can help.

Dorothea.

No offense, but you're a tad…unapproachable when it comes to problems such as mine.

Byleth.

Well then, how can I rectify that?

Dorothea.

If you really want to know, then try appearing more… human, Professor.

Byleth stops dead in his tracks, shaken by Dorothea's solution.

Byleth.

Human?

Dorothea throws her hands up.

Dorothea.

Yes, human. It's unsettling how impervious you are, how you seem without fault, like you're a doll that suddenly sprang to life.

Byleth.

Weakness? Yes, that might be difficult. There is little that-- No, wait; I think I got something.

Dorothea crosses her arms again.

Dorothea.

That quickly? Come now, Professor, it's going to take more than that to--

Byleth.

Talking.

Dorothea is caught off guard by Byleths interruption, dropping her arms somewhat.

Dorothea.

I don't understand, Professor. You talk all the time. Hell, your job is based around talking.

Byleth starts pacing slowly towards Dorothea again.

Byleth.

Yes, but that's to a crowd with a goal, one on one with nothing I tend to flounder, or make a mess of things, as you saw last time. It's worse when talking to women. The only women I grew up with were old enough to be my mother, so I never grew to adapt to talking to women my own age.

As he goes on, he moves closer and closer to Dorothea. Who lowers her arms more and more the closer he gets until the two of them are within arms reach of one another. When he finishes, Byleth is amazed at where he's standing but perplexed by how quiet Dorothea is.

Byleth.

Dorothea?

A twitch flutters at the corner of Dorothea's mouth as she strains to hold in her laughter. Soon it overpowers her, and she lets out a warm, joyous laugh.

Byleth.

Did It work? Am I human now?

Dorothea takes a moment to compose herself but is still smiling by the end of it.

Dorothea.

A little professor. Ahem. Sorry for laughing; I never imagined that your one weakness would be a simple conversation with a woman.

Byleth

Yes, when you put it like that, it is quite silly. Now, what about you?

Dorothea's smile fades but doesn't disappear. Instead, she looks behind her to the exit and then back to Byleth.

Dorothea.

I…not right now. Tell you what, keep showing me your human and I'll tell you everything. Deal?

Byleth.

I'm going to hold you to this. I hope you know that.

Dorothea.

Then I look forward to seeing more of you, Professor.

Rank B+

EXT. Garden – Night.

Byleth walks through the garden alone, setting himself down at one of the tea tables, enjoying the still night air. Wind rustles the flowers, providing a soft melody to offset the silence of the night. Then something interrupts that silence; Byleth turns and finds Dorothea pulling up a chair.

Dorothea.

Evening Professor. I hope I am not bothering you.

Byleth.

Not at all. But what brings you out and about tonight?

Dorothea.

Sleep eludes me. I thought the air would help.

Byleth

Ground soulsroot also helps.

Dorothea

Is this not your first sleepless night?

Byleth.

No, and probably far from my last. I never slept well, even as a child. My father tells stories of waking up in the dead of night to find me sitting on his chest like a cat watching him sleep.

Dorothea giggles.

Dorothea.

Did that help? Watching Jerrlet, I mean.

Byleth.

No, it just made me wonder how he could do it. How he could turn off all those voices in his head telling him what to do and where to go and just, sleep.

Dorothea.

Is that all that keeps you up?

Byleth shakes his head

Byleth

No, the fear keeps me up as well.

Dorothea moves her chair closer to Byleth.

Dorothea.

Fear of what?

Byleth looks up at the moon, illuminating the scene.

Byleth

My life before now wasn't as fantastical as many make it out to be. There were cold nights, dangerous nights, nights where my father would give me a dagger and tell me to hide in the bushes until he came back, and the nights when someone else found me first.

Byleth keeps looking at the moon, a slight tremble from his forearm on the table, shaking the whole thing slightly.

Byleth.

I'm sorry. You came here to relax, not to be terrified. I should go.

Byleth stands and goes to leave but finds Dorothea pulling back on his jacket. She brings him back to his seat then takes a deep breath before:

Dorothea.

I think back to before the Opera Company took me in. Alone and scared on the streets of Embar, wondering where food would come from or if someone was going to snatch me up in the night.

Dorothea shudders, drawing in a stammering breath.

Dorothea.

I think back to those days every night, and I think. My gifts are fleeting, my looks will fade, my voice will dull, and when they do, what's left? What will keep people from forgetting me again and throwing me back where I started.

Byleth takes a moment to respond.

Byleth.

I must admit that you were correct. I do have little expertise on the matter, I'm sorry.

Dorothea shakes her head and takes Byleth's hand in hers.

Dorothea.

Don't be Professor. It was nice just being able to get this off my chest.

Byleth looks down at his hand intertwined with Dorothea's, studying it like a book.

Byleth.

That is reassuring, but if there is one thing I hate, it's a problem. So, know this, Dorothea. I will put these thoughts to rest for both of us. I don't know how long it will take, but that's a promise.

Dorothea lights up in the moonlight, radiating in the night glow, gently caressing Byleth's hand.

Dorothea.

That almost sounds like a proposal, Professor. Careful; people might start to think you have a heart if you start talking like that.

Byleth.

I'm not really sure myself, honestly.

Dorothea laughs. Byleth doesn't.

Dorothea.

This has still been an enlightening evening, Professor. I look forward with bated breath to your solution.

Byleth.

Then I'll get to work immediately. Good night Dorothea.

Byleth leaves the garden and Dorothea behind him. She watches him vanish into the night, murmuring theories to himself as he walks.

Dorothea.

What a strangely delightful man.

A-Rank.

INT. Green House – Early Evening.

Byleth stands in the Greenhouse alone, tending to the various flowers growing there. As he works, the door opens, and Dorothea enters.

Dorothea.

There you are, Professor.

Byleth continues to work but turns his attention to Dorothea when he speaks.

Byleth.

Evening Dorothea. Do you need something?

Dorothea begins to tug at her hair hand over hand.

Dorothea.

I want to thank you.

Byleth stops working and stands, dusting himself off as he does, looking Dorothea in the eyes.

Byleth.

Hum, for what, Dorothea? If you recall, I haven't been all that active for the past few years.

Dorothea.

Well, yes, but I want to thank you for something you did before falling off the face of the earth.

Byleth.

That being?

Dorothea.

For being this forthcoming with me, I can't imagine what you had to do to make good on your promise; but you've been doing a fabulous job.

Dorothea takes a step forward to be closer to Byleth, but he takes a step back.

Byleth.

Oh, that. There is no need to thank me, Dorothea. That is what you wanted, after all.

Dorothea.

Still, I appreciate you making an effort. It's sweet in its own way.

Dorothea takes another step forward, but again, Byleth steps back.

Byleth.

That's…wonderful, Dorothea.

Dorothea takes a half step towards the Professor, tilting her head inquisitively.

Dorothea.

Professor, are you alright? You look like you're about to fall over. Is it food poisoning?

Byleth.

No, I could have dealt with…what troubles me today is…

[Byleth takes a deep breath]

I have found a solution.

Dorothea.

You have?! Then why do you look so distraught? I thought you would have been elated once you found the answer.

Byleth.

I did as well, but now I cannot shake this sense of unease.

Dorothea looks at the Professor, noticing the frazzled look in his eyes and a slight shake in his usually still posture.

Dorothea.

That so…I think I know what's going on then.

Byleth.

You do?! Then please, tell me.

Dorothea.

It's just stage fright, Professor, plain and simple. Here we can fix that in a jiff. Just take a deep breath.

Byleth takes in a deep breath.

Dorothea (cont).

Now close your eyes. And when you open them, I don't want you to see just me in the Greenhouse, but instead, picture we're back in the classroom, and you're about to address all of us.

Byleth.

That might be a tad awkward.

Dorothea.

Then make it anyone you feel comfortable telling this to. Don't worry; I won't laugh this time.

Byleth.

Here we go then… Dorothea, you have far from nothing. If all people see is a beauty and a songbird when they pass you, then they are fools of the most intense use of the phrase, for they do not see that behind that face lies a mind sharper than any sword and a tongue equally as cutting. They do not see a heart larger and stronger than any, capable of devotion even in the fiercest of situations. They only see the songstress, but not the lover, the fighter, and the friend willing to lay down all for the sake of another. So if your star were to fade, it would still shine twice as bright as any other star in the sky; and when it does sadly vanish, none will forget the light it shown on their lives.

Dorothea is speechless. Tears well in her eyes as Byleth breaths a sigh of relief

Byleth.

Dear Seiros, that did it! Dorothea that was—

(Byleth notices Dorothea is crying.)

Dorothea? Are you alright?

Dorothea.

Yes, quite so, Professor

Byleth.

Then have I helped.

Dorothea.

More than helped, Professor. However, I think I wasn't giving you enough credit.

Byleth.

I assure you my solution is only based on a hypothesis gathered, though….

Dorothea lets out a small but warm giggle

Dorothea.

I only jest, Professor.

Byleth starts to spin his hands in the air while he talks. Speeding up as he goes.

Byleth.

Really? In either case, I'm glad I could be of assistance. I sincerely hope you find a person who sees what I see, and I hope they treat you well.

Dorothea.

Thank you, Professor. However, maybe my search is at a close… we'll have to see what the future holds…

Dorothea takes another step closer to Byleth, holding her hands behind her back and leaning slightly forward. He doesn't move this time but looks around for something to clue him into what is happening.

Byleth.

Well…I am sure no matter what, it's going to be glorious.

Dorothea giggles again.

Dorothea.

Even if this strange person I search for never speaks up, I believe the future is quite bright indeed.

S Rank.

INT. Goddess Tower – Early Evening.

Byleth sits alone on the balcony overlooking the monastery below. A party is in full swing, celebrating the defeat of the Empire. Byleth watches from above, stirred only when he hears the door open behind him and Dorothea enters.

Dorothea.

So this is where you've been. Everyone's looking for you.

Byleth.

Yes, I know, but I can't breathe down there with that many people.

Dorothea.

I understand; this isn't the first overexcited crowd I've waded, though. However, I at least got a moment to myself. So you think they extend the same curtsy to you for winning the darn war.

Dorothea joins Byleth, leaning on the balcony edge beside him, inches apart.

Byleth.

You think, but every five steps, it's, "Thousand thanks, sir," or "How in Sophis name did you do it?" It's maddening… you're not going to tell on me, are you?

Dorothea.

Don't worry. I won't tell them you're here. It's a rare occasion to have you all to myself.

Byleth turns his head halfway to look at her.

Byleth.

But, don't you still have your 'Strange person' to search for? Surely you would rather be looking for them than being stuck up in some old tower with me.

Dorothea.

See…there is one person I must confess I'm just a little bit interested in. I'll let you guess who…

Byleth blinks twice.

Byleth.

Can you give me more to go on?

Dorothea snickers to herself.

Dorothea

He's been spending a lot of time with me lately.

Byleth furrows his brow as parts click together, but one piece is missing.

Byleth.

Well, that doesn't help. Cause I'm the only man you've been spending an extensive amount…of…time….really?

Dorothea nods her head. Byleth takes another second to process, turning to face her fully, his hands acting on their own as he tries to come to some solution.

Byleth (Cont)

Why?

Dorothea.

You're the first person who made me feel safe, who made me feel happy and loved.

Dorothea turns to face Byleth fully, the setting sun giving them an angelic glow, like the heavens themselves were shining a spotlight on the two of them.

Dorothea (cont).

You are that special person.

Byleths eyes widen as that final piece snaps into place. He dives into his pocket, pulling up his mother's ring a moment later, holding it out to Dorothea. Now Dorothea's eyes widen as the ring comes into view.

Dorothea

Is that—That's a ring.

Byleth.

It is.

Dorothea.

It would be very embarrassing if I had the wrong idea, so I have to ask. Are you proposing? Here? Now?

Byleth.

Is there a problem with that?

Dorothea.

It is a little sudden; I have to admit.

Byleth.

Oh, apologies. If it's too soon, you don't have to see it as a proposal, just that I think you're special—the most special in fact.

Dorothea laughs a little

Dorothea

You are a strange one, Professor.

Byleth crack a slight smile

Byleth.

I've been told.

Dorothea.

Have I told you I love you?

Byleth.

Have I?

The two of them move closer, now holding each other in each other's arms. Dorothea guides Byleths arms, laughing to herself. Together they hold each other, looking into each other's eyes, and in unison say:

Dorothea & Byleth

I love you.

Second Round Edits Rundown.

1] I tightened things up in places. For example, I broke the B support into two (a B and B+), so the info in both could breathe better and not take up as much of the player's time reading it.

2] I refocused the conversation around Byleth and Dorothea opening up to one another. Initially, I stuck to the source material more, but this left the conversations without a good through-line. So by making their conversations about growing more comfortable around each other and learning how to express themselves better, it gave the supports more connecting tissue, and each scene built upon itself more nicely.

3] Gave Dorothea more of a presence near the end. Initially, I lost a lot of the confident energy Dorothea brings to her scenes, so I re-ordered how the confession plays out to give her more agency. So rather than purely reacting, she is also triggering reactions.

4] I set the scene better. While most Punch Lines and Action lines will not translate entirely into the game, they ground the background better than without them. Also, with them, the actors involved have a better understanding of what a character wants in this sense, meaning they can give a better performance. As well as communicate intention better to anyone who reads the script.

First Round Edit Rundown:

1] I gave Byleth a voice of his own so he could converse with Dorothea. Allowing us to get a better idea of who Byleth is through his interactions with Dorothea.

2] I gave Byleth a flaw. Good characters have good flaws, in making characters flawed, makes them more human. For example, Dorothea is likable not only for her flirtatious personality and razor-sharp wit but her fears of abandonment. I wrote about this in a previous entry, but in brief, we look to media for answers to difficult questions, for people making sense of unsensual situations. That's what we connect to; that's what makes us like them, their ability to overcome obstacles that most people struggle with, making our own problems seem manageable.

3] I added more opportunities for Byleth to grow and connected his growth to his relationship with Dorothea, making both stronger.

4] I made them a little longer. First, yes, I have gone on about how game writing should be concise; however, at the time of writing, none of these conversations are transcribed, so I can't get a precise word count. Second, these are already pushing that limit as is, and if you divide them up, mine average about five pages per support rank, so about five minutes per support.