Mana Punch: Personal Review

The past four weeks have been interesting for a lack of a better word. A strange mix of pulse-pounding excitement and mood-killing dread. The latter fueled almost entirely by my self-destructive and harsh standards for myself. Being not the best judge of my merit and character I will try not to paint myself as a total disaster. Now that I’ve finished winging, let us begin.

When it comes to my interactions with the team, I would say things go rather well. The majority of my conversations with the team consists of me mainly listening to whatever problem or solution they have come to me with. Which in my eyes has aided in the overall team health as well as welcoming any and all ideas. The only time I ever have to put my foot down and block someone from talking is when there interrupting either myself or another team member. I’ve also never shot an idea down at face value, every idea is welcome to the center stage and is allowed discussion before any decision is made. For example, when we began Mana Punch Zack wanted to tackle some very serious issues including sexual assault and its effects on people. Now he was coming from a good place, wanting to spread awareness through the game but it didn’t sit well with me or the team. We then explained that given the time, resources, and composition of the team those issues are best left out. We never said it was a bad idea but rather that we’d be doing more harm than good if we took them on. I’ve been trying for some time now to strike a fair balance between passive listener and active leader, and I believe I’ve done a decent enough job.

The one glaring fault in that was last Friday's (9/25/2020) meeting. Where we were to settle on our final idea to move forward with into November. However, issues arising between both Knights of Yeet and Mana Punch caused members of the team to grow uncertain about either project. And while solutions were being put forth, none of them completely resolved the issue so I pushed back the decision to Sunday, giving them time to calm down and think. I hope that was the correct call, on the one hand, it only affects me as I’m the only one with deliverables that rely on a decision being made. On the other, it could be seen as a loss of control on my part, an unwillingness to be decisive in key situations, possibly losing the confidence of some team members.

Confidence I’ve tried to grow by being more open with this team than teams in the past, remembering that I am a part of the team and if things are going to run smoothly my problems have to be aired out as well. A good example of this came around week two when after a very poor night's sleep and a cavalcade of annoyances I was in a very poor and temperamental mood was in I simply wanted to punch through a wall and collapse on the floor. So when it came time to give my stand up I thought of leaving it out of the response, but I figured that the team should know if I’m not at full power and included it anyway. The response was a heart warmly touching reply from several members of the team, greatly helping me recover from the foul mood the day had put me in. Just as I gave support to the team when they were sick, tired, troubled, or overloaded, really helping me understand my role in the team and making me a part of it. However, I do feel like my face-to-face conversations with team members are much better than compared of my digital ones. As I among others in the team frequently forget to do standups daily and leave the rest of the team wondering what is going on until one of our meetings.

Fortunately, my workload and schedule are good enough that I can get material in on time, with a few exceptions. Manly practicing for pitches, as that not only requires the presentation to be done but also several days to practice beforehand. So creating a schedule where all of that is capable in a week has been challenging to say the least and not yielding desired results. My understanding of Scrum helps in this area as it does help point out how much time I need for each step and allows me to create or reevaluate the core issues before the end of the week so I can make adjustments on the fly.

Now I will admit there are things I do want to improve on over the coming months. Areas that I know I need to get better in and am somewhat lacking in currently. The first being my communication skills when it comes to presenting. Over the past year, I’ve grown to enjoy telling others about game ideas and believe this is one of my greater contributions to the team overall. However, while I am not terrible I do think I can get better at keeping my flow going. There are times, and you’ve probably spotted them when I stop mid-sentence to recall a word, phrase, or Segway. That slows things down and hurts the overall presentation, especially when the segways take a hit. So that is what I want to focus on, being able to smoothly transition from whatever was said beforehand and into my next slide. After that, I’d focus more on improve and fully understanding the game idea so I can pull things out on the fly. Meaning I’d have to get better at both listening and brainstorming at the same time.

Second, I want to get better at being more assertive during meetings. As I said before, I think I’ve gotten better at thins overall, but I’m still not as decisive as I would like to be. This is a recurring problem with me as a producer and a leader that has cropped up before and been whittled down but not solved. If I am to get to that core then I need to get better at asking powerful questions and being more comfortable sharing my opinions even if they are in opposition to the team. It all comes down to self-confidence in the end, something I don’t have a great plan on bettering aside from speaking up more and putting my foot down. Accepting that there are few no-lose scenarios and learning to plan around them.

Lastly, I want to get better at giving feedback, especially if it's harsh or critical. That skill is also underdeveloped and would help the above goal as well. If I can find the line between constructive and hurtful and formulate a fairly objective criticism then I would call that success. To get there however would require a better understanding of what I’m criticizing, which means expanding my wheelhouse into other areas of design, art, and code so I have some basic idea of what’s going on. Second wording it in a way that gets across the intent and concern without sounding attacking or demeaning. If I can check both of those boxes, combined with the steps for being more assertive, then I would call this an improvement.