Mana Punch: Postmortem

I think I drastically underestimated what development in 2020 would be like. Remote development, tight deadlines, poor planning, overconfidence, and a globe scaring plague; any one of these things would have made the last three months difficult and they all hit at the same time. So coming through all of that I would defiantly say I am very tired and more seasoned than when the semester began, and each brought with it a lesson. Along with the cavalcade of things that went right and wrong with the project themselves, the above-listed items are the larger lessons and takeaways from the past three months.

To get the most obvious one out of the way first, the plague. On reflection I underestimated the effect both the plague and quarantine would have on myself and others. Almost like having an omnipresent, invisible, ever-spreading killing machine would put people on edge a bit. However, going into this semester I thought, “It's Vermont, the only state with declining cases, it’ll be fine.” Sadly, while that was a reassuring idea to keep in mind it did not remove the fact that the plague is still there and people are still being affected by it, even if I can not see it. This in turn leads to a plethora of stress that was improperly stored and dealt with. Creating several future problems that I am still dealing with at the time of writing. Yet, if there is one clear lesson from all of this stress and anxiety, it was to recognize problems as problems. This will not be the last crisis I live through in my life and professional carrier, so I have to learn how to function better in these situations. Bottling everything up and ignoring the problem haven’t worked out, but the opposite, screaming about everything doesn’t seem like much help either. Rather it's that elusive middle ground I strive for, where stuff like this plague can be healthily internalized without causing an adverse reaction to the internalization. It's there I want to go and now have to figure out how to get to. Being aware of the problem is only the first step along the way, finding the path to the solution is the second and much harder step, but one I have to make for my own sake and the sake of others on a project.

Connected to the plague somewhat and the second thing that made things a bit slippery this semester, that being remote development. I must say I don’t think I’ll ever grow to like remote development, tolerate and work in it fine, but it will never be my preferred model of development. Primarily due to the disconnect I feel between myself; the team and the ideas being batted around. If anything this has somewhat proven that I’m an old soul at heart and have little experience or understanding in a digital workspace. Not to the degree where I’m floundering, I managed to keep things together alright this semester but not as much if we were all in the same room. To remedy this I tried finding tools that would help simulate that in-person experience but it still wasn’t the same. I was still sitting at my desk, staring at a wall of faces, unable to move or pace or directly interact with team members. It feels restrictive, and that may be just because I don’t know about all the ins and out of working in a digital space and will have to learn them in the second semester. Fortunately, Riley Dickerson, my new project lead, seems rather comfortable in a digital work environment so this may prove an excellent chance to learn and expand a bit so the online workspace is less alien and difficult to properly work in.

Hopefully, with that experience tucked under my belt, it will also make planning a bit easier in the future. I will be perfectly blunt and hornet when I say we had a plan but a lose one. We knew what needed to get done to showcase our game's desired intent, but we did not have a strict road map to getting there. Markers to show us the way sure, just not a comprehensive map. While this worked, for the most part, it did leave things up in the air a lot and lead to focusing on areas that could have been scaled back to focus on other equally important features.

Another contributor to that lack of focus and planning may have also been our overconfidence in the project as a whole. The sense we had gotten to work early in the semester, with most of our brainstorming work done over the summer, we all had this sense that we had things locked down. However, as the weeks went on, I believe we let that go to our heads a little bit and slacked off on the work that was required to keep that advantage up. We kept telling ourselves that we’re in the clear because we had that extra week bagged away. Only, we had not been doing enough work in-between to keep that bonus time up and ended up falling right back onto the normal schedule and even a little behind in some places. It was a major lapse in judgment and an ego trip that sent us down this path with no one to check that ego. Again, due to the lack of proper planning, if we had a solid road map at the very least, we could see if we were falling behind. Yet with the road markers all, we could tell as we were getting somewhere; we didn’t know how fast but we knew it was where we wanted to go. We needed something better to check ourselves against and prove to ourselves that we were not making as much progress as we were thinking.

A check that was there, but we were defiantly getting used to, where the tight deadlines we were faced with throughout the year. Yes in previous semesters we had to report in on one-week sprints, however, substantial progress had to be made with each passing week this time around. While this did help keep us on our toes a little and help narrow down those road makers, overall those deadlines scared the ever-loving bejesus out of me. Especially in the prototype phase when we had to have a working prototype, presentation, and docs all in one week. They most certainly helped acclimate me and the team to what will most likely be expected from us in the real world but none the less it was harrowing. We had long and sometimes frightful conversations about being able to make progress in the game while also keeping up our other classes and not cutting too large or a chunk out of the game. Out of everything this created the greatest amount of stress for me and the others as we tried to find ways to keep the game going without killing ourselves or gutting the experience altogether. In the end, we ended up taking bits from both camps, running long nights to try and get a feature working that should have been working a week ago. It was hectic and a little disheartening at times, but we pulled through in the end. Yet again, I stress the importance of proper planning, it may have been because of the plague, or the overconfidence, or misunderstanding of instructions, or just forgetfulness on my part, but a plan was not made and the project suffered for it.

Now, I hate to leave this on such a dower note like that, so let's at least go over the positives of the project first and what can be done differently in the future before closing off. First off, the team got along phenomenally making things a lot easier to get rolling. Due to everyone either being on the same page or chill enough to be brought onto that page questions, ideas, and contributions were able to fly easily between people in and out of meetings. Everyone brought something special to the project that made it unique in some special way and everyone was able to share that something and bring it into the game. Even when things got tight the team still held together, they didn’t lash out at one another or start breaking apart, rather they rallied together and grew closer due to the experience. Creating an overall very positive and welcoming environment that made working on the game fun and enjoyable.

This also translated into a good work ethic for the team as well. Sure we may have been somewhat directionless and at times overworked ourselves, but each time the team committed to something they tried to see it through to the best of their abilities. Finding ways to solve the problem given the time and resources they had, making the game possible with each passing week. Yes this did slow down somewhat during the final weeks of the project and something had to be pushed into later weeks, but that underlining drive to do good work never left the team; if anything a feature was pushed back because they knew they couldn’t make it good in the amount of time they had left.

Lastly, the team cared, not just about the game but about each other. There were multiple times throughout development when things got more than dicey. I fell into a bought of apathy for a good period in the middle of the semester and then had two emergent health problems spring up out of nowhere. And the team cared, they checked in on me, asked if they could help, offered solutions and guiding words. After a while, it no longer felt like I was making a game with coworkers or even friends, but with family and that made the experience all the better.

Now as for the things that can be improved, as I mentioned copious times before proper planning would help. Outlining the project from the beginning, not so much laying out each step but figuring out features and when we want them by so we can create some kind of road map to judge ourselves ageist. Even something simple like a checklist of features would have been helpful, anything that shows the team what’s next on the chopping block and when we want it in by.

Aside from that, being more in check with our ego would also help in the future. The road map is a good place to start but it's also handy for someone to have the guts to reel people in if they're getting too big for their boots. Just so things don’t get out of hand or end up lagging because we “totally got this, don’t worry.” As much as that kind of attitude can be helpful it also can run rampant like anything else so it needs to be kept in check. A little ego is healthy, keeps a better image of the team and the individual. Too much and now you think you’re the new hotness with none of the credit or show to back it up and you now refuse to put in the effort to rectify that because you’re so awesome now. We didn’t get to that level of ego but it’s a place I would like to avoid altogether in the future if I’m perfectly honest.

Finally, improving how I conduct myself in a digital space is also worth putting the energy towards. I don’t know how long this plague will last but even if it ends soon I’ll still be in remote development for the spring and maybe even in my future carrier. So it’s a skill set I have to expand at some point and it might as well be now. I’d have to get better at holding meetings when no one is actually in the room and I can see everyone at once. Communicating and sharing info through a chat will have to be streamlined. Heck, even organizing documents could use a little updating. I’m a strangely old soul at heart so a lot of the nuance of the online workplace has passed me by. However, that is something I will have to rectify in the coming months, first step is first by watching and learning under someone who does have a good grasp on this before mirroring it myself.

All that said and done, Fall 2020 was a strange but informative year with plenty of hurdles both external and internal to leap. Each providing a new challenge and lesson along the way, exposing an area that I have to patch over. So with all of that logged away, I’m hoping it will all stick with me so I can remember it all and not have to go through the same hurdles again later down the line and I wont underestimate another year again.